Operation: Baby Love, verMammon
by Kutsuto
Summary: A reader insert, reader wants to steal Mammon's heart and she only can achieve this by planning what to do. Readerxvarious
1. Prologue

**Reader insert stories here are uncommon aren't they? xD Well i hope you all enjoy this crack story**

Mammon would've made a better cloud guardian than a mist guardian, sure he fulfilled the qualities a mist guardian should have but he was a nimble floating cloud that protected his family against harm. He would come and go like Squalo's moods (when you lived with him it was all too clear that he was actually a woman PMSing 24/7) He was bipolar, quote Ryohei "to the extreme" unquote, one moment he would be sucking up to the boss for a new uniform, the next he'll be screaming about something like there were too many cooking shows on TV. Anyway, Mammon was rarely in the Varia HQ. Xanxus refused to pay Mammon anymore than he already did so Mammon took up high paying side jobs (no he wasn't a prostitute in his spare time).

You lived with the Varia temporarily; you were thrown into their evil clutches by Lussuria who had found you on a well known street selling apples. Much to your dismay the flamboyant figure didn't come to purchase your apples like you hoped. He decided he wanted to steal you for the other members of the Varia; he did so, leaving your mother confused as to why you didn't come home that night (or for the next year).

You were confused as to why Lussuria kidnapped you. "Why would the Varia need a girl? Why would they need someone who couldn't fight?" Well the truth has to be told they didn't need you at all. You were merely a decoration in the household, constantly running errands for the officers of the Varia, you hated the "job" and you wondered why they had "hired" you in the first place.

You left the Varia the day you officially became a woman, they didn't know what to do with you (well they did know what a period was but an assassin giving you a tampon and pills to help deal with your pain? That's against all of their morals!) So they just chucked you outside, you dusted yourself off and walked back home where your mother welcomed you and your bloody figure (hey you bleed more than most!) back into your household.

Though during your time with the Varia you established connections with all of the officers and you slowly began to realise their weaknesses and strengths both in and out of battle.

Xanxus: Weaknesses – Alcohol of any kind/Strengths – Well, strength, he could tear your head off in one movement this dude was scary.

Levi: Weaknesses – Xanxus, he had a man crush/Strengths – None. You didn't hang around the pervert enough.

Squalo: Weaknesses – Funny enough, romantic movies. You saw him on many occasions blubbering into Lussuria's lap after watching a romance. /Strengths – Rain… wait what?

Belphegor: Weaknesses – He could easily be manipulated with ice cream, you just had to be careful when doing this as if he doesn't want to do something he can win his ice cream back with force, you have several scars showing why you shouldn't have been between Bel and his ice cream/ Strengths – Well blood and pain… weirdo.

Lussuria: Weaknesses – Any guy with a hot body… eww. /Strengths – Frilly clothes, if he was in frilly clothes as well as his opponent, he would always win.

Gola Mosca: Weaknesses – Fire, dude this robot is like drenched in oil it was a grand display to see the first prototype be burned to its doom /Strengths – It was a robot with lasers. Enough said.

And finally Mammon, you had a little bit of a crush on the little baby (understandably, your father was a convicted pedophile) you followed him around day by day doing everything he asked of you. Including accompanying him to the bathroom when he needed to do his business, you didn't mind at all in fact that was your favourite thing he asked you to do for him.

His main weakness was money. His weakness was going to play the main part in your newest operation.

"Operation: Baby Love, verMammon"


	2. A is for Arcobaleno

**And so it begins, readers first plan.**

**Plan A, A is for Arcobaleno!  
**

It was a calm day outside the Varia mansion; the only noises that could be heard were Squalo and Xanxus' drunken singing. They were dancing outsi- wait ARE THEY NAKED? You stared at them for a while before returning to your post. You moved your binoculars back in on Mammon who was inside eating his breakfast. You took a moment to say thank you to the person who had designed the Varia mansion, there were so many windows it made spying a breeze!

Mammon jumped off his stool and began to walk to the door. It was your moment of truth, you swept yourself clean of any dirt and you walked down to Mammon casually.

It was love at 2934th sight, he ran to you and you ran to him. The entire moment seemed like it was in slow motion. You could slowly see a smile creep up on his face and you nearly creamed yourself with total happiness. You both started to pick up speed when you finally collided, with Mammon on top he started stripping you.

Of your homemade one hundred dollar note costume.

With a squeal of delight Mammon ran off with to the Varia mansion, you watched him sadly as he ran, no floated up the stairs with the giant $100 note costume. He landed on his bed with so much grace it broke your heart and he was soon making out with your costume.

"Damn it. I thought it was a flawless plan" You thought to yourself sadly half watching Mammon strip of his garments.

Plan A was a fail.


	3. B is for Belphegor

**Some ReaderxBel in this chapter. Bahaha Princes love to have sex. **

**Plan B, B is for Belphegor.  
**

Your spirits were up for today. Because today's plan was the completely flawless plan you saved if your other completely flawless plan didn't work.

It was simple, you were to kidnap Belphegor and hold him at a ransom, the ransom, Mammon's virginity. It was so absolutely flawless that you couldn't believe you thought of it. You began your hour long journey to the Varia with the various materials you needed to capture him.

It wasn't easy work walking uphill to the Varia manor but you arrived slightly pink faced but raring to go. You walked straight into the household (the security was horrible, all they had was a scarecrow) and you marched straight up to Bel's room. You were around his age and you knew how all teenage boys were just bags of horniness so that's where your plan came into effect. You were dressed up in the skimpiest outfit you could find (seriously, there wasn't enough material in the outfit to make a blind fold) you were to coax Bel out of his room with your womanly curves, handcuff him to a bike rack and then compromise with the Varia.

You knocked on Bel's door.

"Belphegor, I heard from Xanxus that you have been a very naughty boy, so you will have to come with me~" You said huskily trying to sound as sexy as possible.

He opened his door and grinned, you grinned with him.

This was going to work! You thought excitedly.

Then he grabbed you by the wrist and dragged you to his bed where you engaged in some rather… intense activities, Bel didn't stop at all despite you yelling that Mammon was supposed to be your first.

Tip: Never underestimate a horny teenage assassin.

Plan B was a big fail.


	4. C, D, E, F is for Fuuta

**Poor Fuuta has to get dragged in it D;**

**Plan F, F is for Fuuta.  
**

You decided to give plan C, D and E a miss seeing as they were all to do with sexualised activities, the previous day had left you sore and scratched much to the pleasure of Belphegor. You were really sulky, this was possibly the best way you could do plan F though so you hurried around town to find the Ranking Prince Fuuta who was having a guest appearance at a book shop.

"Oooh! Sia-ni you're ranked number one for best cake maker out of all the Mafioso!" Fuuta said to a middle-aged man standing in a long line, the said man started to cry with joy as he walked away.

You ran up to Fuuta. "Oh Ranking Prince Fuuta! I am in a huge dilemma, the one I love doesn't seem to understand how much I love him, how much I crave him! I am in dire need of your help" You wept dramatically.

Fuuta looked at you with big eyes "I'm sure I can help you [Name]-nee! I'm sorry everyone but I need to help [Name]-nee find her one true love" He announced, earning a few groans from people in the line.

"I'll show you where he is little Fuuta, don't you worry!" You said, smiling. _'Finally, Mammon will be mi- wait how does he know my name?' _

You both walked fast towards the Varia, until finally you arrived at the beautiful place.

Fuuta sighed. "Oh this place is beautiful [Name]-ni, it's absolutely amazing!"

You nodded as you raised your head to look up to Mammon's bedroom before you started to throw rocks at his large window.

"Mammon, oh Mammon, let down your beautiful hair!" You yelled while you threw a couple more rocks.

Mammon floated out of his window and stood on the balcony. "What do you want?" He asked grumpily. "And I don't have beautiful hair, you must be mistaking me for Squalo" he said moving to leave.

You nudge Fuuta.

"Ahh, Mr Mammon, I'm here to tell you a ranking." Fuuta said as he began to do that creepy ranking thing making everything float including you.

"Out of all 6000 people [Name]-nee loves, you are number 1!" He said just as everything retouched the ground, you however landed ungraciously on your butt making you blush.

Mammon snorted. "Kufufu, I knew that already silly girl." He then appeared by your side and lifted you up and walked you back up to Mammon's room to have another unwanted sex session.

Yeah. Mukuro likes you. Mammon at that time was actually at the bank.

Plan F fail.


	5. G is for Giannini

**Bahaha. Silly Giannini not asking for money.**

**Plan G, G is for Giannini.  
**

Mukuro actually wasn't that bad to have sex with, at least he could make himself look like Mammon; he was so odd though when it came to having sex with him, you would've thought he would've been better at it but you weren't complaining.

Well you WERE complaining. Mukuro still isn't Mammon.

You decided to sleep at the Varia overnight in the tool shed when you thought of a brilliant idea, using your handy dandy notebo-phone you called up the weapon technician Giannini. You said you desperately needed him to make you a doomsday weapon and being the bald idiot he is, he agreed.

The next day you awoke to a shiny new TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME bazooka and a note saying "Use it well" you squealed in joy as you carried it outside of the shed.

Using you awesome megaphone you yelled out "IF YOU GUYS DON'T GIVE ME MAMMON'S VIRGINITY I'LL BLOW YOU UP"

You looked at your watch, you were waiting for someone to come out in three, two on- VOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII. Ah, there he was you thought happily.

Squalo came out of the Varia residence holding Mammon.

"Voi, here is the brat now go away" He growled shaking Mammon to prove that he was there.

"Okay let him go" You said happily waiting for Mammon to jump into your arms.

"That wasn't part of the plan Squalo" Mammon said looking up to Squalo. You then realized they weren't going to hand Mammon's virginity to you so you decided to pull the trigger of the bazooka.

The effects were instantaneous; the entire mansion was now covered in pink glitter.

NOT what you were expecting.

Squalo stared at it at before he decided to drop Mammon who instantly retreated and started to chase you because you were now trying to run away as fast as possible to not be caught by an angry Squalo.

Plan G success, why?

Because now you were staying with the Varia only because Xanxus told you that you had to clean the mess up otherwise he would torture you and make Squalo rape your dead body. All was good.


	6. H is for Handjob

**I feel so sorry for Mammon, to be honest this chapter wasn't too easy to write, i was getting writer's block *shrug* Oh well.**

**Plan H, H is for Handjob.**

**Oh and i don't own any of the characters in this story *nods*.  
**

You were going to surprise Mammon, it was his birthday, July 2nd. You were going to give him the best present he will ever receive in his life.

A handjob!

Mammon couldn't say no to your perfectly sculpted hands, he would just have an orgasm at the thought of you touching him in places he had only ever WISHED you could see.

Mammon how I love thee. The thought of him, his perfect little figure just made your mind squeal with ecstasy you could see it now, you and Mammon frolicking through a daisy field naked, you stripping him of his pants and giving him the ultimate treat. A handjob.

And that is when you woke up from you daydreams to discover that you were making out with your hand. Again. It was the fifth time this week.

It was Monday.

You shook yourself out of your mental state as you walked to Mammon's room.

"Mammon darling, I want to give you a handjob." You said as you knocked on the door.

"No. Go away."

Plan H was definitely a failure.


End file.
